


chasing ducks

by jokheiz



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Grim Reapers, M/M, Reaper!Jaemin, Reincarnation, Sad with a Happy Ending, jaemin charges heart first into the fire for park jisung whats new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 02:33:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21420754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jokheiz/pseuds/jokheiz
Summary: It all starts with a poke at his thigh, a child who sees him even when he's not supposed to. The first time is an accident, Jaemin had no idea the boy was supposed to die that day.All the times after that are on purpose.Jaemin's job as a reaper is to collect souls and send them on their way, but for some reason—he just can't let Park Jisung die.
Relationships: Na Jaemin & Park Jisung
Comments: 37
Kudos: 314





	chasing ducks

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya!!!! so I mixed a couple of grim reaper concepts i've seen around before and kind of mashed them together to get the lore for this story/universe! Hopefully it's pretty straightforward!  
I love jaemsung a lot so I was really excited to write something for them! I decided to keep it a platonic kind of love in this fic though due to reasons,, but i hope you enjoy anyway!

Jaemin blames it all on that one appointment. The old lady had been so eager to go—so eager to reunite with her husband in the afterlife that it had only taken half of the average time it usually did to guide the soul on after collecting it, which meant Jaemin had time to stroll through the quiet suburbs until his next appointment. He walks down the narrow street that cascades the mountainside—it’s a peaceful little town filled with families that have been there for generations. Jaemin likes it. 

There’s a creek not far from the stone street he walks on that also travels down the mountain. He strays over to it because it reminds him of a memory he can’t actually recall anymore, but the feeling it elicits is still there, deep within him. He feels calm, taking in a deep breath and savouring the taste of the mountain air in his mouth and lungs. He angles his head up and looks to the sky. It’s a dreary day, overcast with grey fluffy clouds that will soon unleash their rain and the breeze is still thick with the heat of summer. Jaemin doesn’t remember his birth date, but he’s always hoped it would be during this season. He’s always liked summer the most, rain or shine. 

His peace is interrupted by the sound of crunching leaves, tiny footsteps that don’t belong to someone of Jaemin’s height and stature but he doesn’t worry—no human can see him unless he allows it—a benefit of being a reaper.

Jaemin feels a poke at his thigh. He looks down to find a child staring up at him with wide, curious eyes, finger pressed squarely into Jaemin’s leg.

“Are you real?” the child asks.

Jaemin blinks at him. He isn’t supposed to be, not to this human. “Are you?”

The child, a little boy who can’t be more than just six years old, retracts his finger and points it into his own chest. “I think so.”

Peculiar, Jaemin thinks as he watches the boy take interest in something else. He has on blue rain boots and a bright yellow raincoat with the occasional mud splatter. Jaemin decides to follow him down the bank of the creek.

“What are you doing?” He asks. The child fascinates him.

“Papa told me not to talk to strangers!”

“You spoke to me first.”

The boy ignores him and keeps going. He doesn’t seem to mind the twigs snapping under his boots or the slight drizzle of rain wetting his hair because he doesn’t have a hat on—and he doesn’t seem to mind breaking his Papa’s rule. The boy finally stops when the earth levels out and they’re not longer at an incline, crouching down to look into the creek. “Ducks!” He points and giggles.

Jaemin looks. There are ducks in the creek, swimming, minding their own business, just like Jaemin should be. But he doesn’t. The child intrigues him too much. It’s been a long time since he’s met an anomaly that takes him out of the routine of his work. He points at one of the smallest ducks, a little duckling following its siblings. “That one looks like you.”

The little boy purses his lips, imitating the beak of the duckling. “Like this?” He manages to pull a laugh out of the reaper.

“Yeah, exactly.”

Jaemin crouches down next to the boy, suit wet and dirty but he doesn’t pay it any mind. “What’s your name?”

“Jisung.” The boy answers. “What’s yours?”

“Jaemin. But you can call me Nana.” Jaemin doesn’t know where the nickname comes from, only that he had it once and it was very dear to him.

“Nana.” Jisung repeats and goes back to looking at the ducks. Jaemin stares at the boy, wondering. As a reaper, he’s only supposed to think of death, of when he has to collect souls and send people to the journey After, but as he stares at this little boy he thinks about life. He wonders about how tall this boy will grow, the friends he’ll have, what difference to the world he’ll make, how loved he’ll be. There’s a chilling breeze so strong it whips up the ground around them and it pushes the little boy, as light as a feather, off balance and head first into the creek.

Jaemin’s reflexes are fast, if he hadn’t of been staring he wouldn’t have been able to catch the little boy before he even touched the water. He holds him tightly in his arms as the boy cries.

“Thank you, Nana.” Jisung hiccups.

Jaemin can’t explain it, but something in the air has changed. Something feels different and he doesn’t know if it’s good or bad. He wipes Jisung’s tears away with his thumb, delicate on soft skin.

There’s a yell of a name that gets picked up in the wind and brought towards them.

“That’s my Mama.” Jisung easily hops out of Jaemin’s arms as if nothing had happened, doesn’t even spare a glance back as he begins to run towards the stone street. He lifts his hand in the air though, yelling farewell. “See you later, Nana!”

Jaemin stands up, staring after him. He’s not supposed to feel much, not with a job like his but Jaemin recognizes the heaviness that begins to blanket over him. Sadness. The little boy won’t remember the reaper after today because no one’s supposed to live after meeting one. If his life is to continue on, he will forget.

But Jaemin won’t forget Jisung.

  
If a reaper could have friends, then that’s what Mark and Donghyuck would be to Jaemin. They spend their breaks together and they discuss their assignments and they delight themselves with cakes and sweets because they don’t have their own health to worry about.

The cafe they’re in is one they frequent often. There’s something about the wooden booths and rustic decorations that make it feel warm, comforting. It’s Jaemin’s favourite place. He likes being warm.

“So, something odd happened to me the other day,” Mark begins, mouth full of fruit. Donghyuck leans over to thumb away the residue of the juice on Mark’s chin but he dodges, swiping it himself with the back of his hand. “I was in the mountains—you like that place, right Jaemin?”

Jaemin nods, taking a spoonful of mango-flavoured cake. It practically melts in his mouth. He thinks of the little boy he met not too long ago.

“Well I was there, in one of the villages, calling card in my hand, heading towards the location when suddenly, the calling card just—disappeared.”

“Like, you dropped the card and the wind took it away?” Donghyuck asks and Jaemin snorts. Mark’s lost a few of his cards before. The boss, the Grim Reaper of all reapers, is never too happy about it.

Mark glares at Donghyuck. “No, the card just blanked. The name, age, date, location—it all disappeared! I still have it—” Mark rummages in his pocket and pulls out a white slip of paper—identical to all the ones both Jaemin and Donghyuck receive for their assignments. Mark places it on the table in front of them and Donghyuck picks it up.

Jaemin watches as Donghyuck twirls it around. They can both spot the stamp of the Grim Reaper on the bottom, but above it—there’s no writing, no ink that’s supposed to give the reapers all their information.

Mark takes another mouthful of fruit and speaks in between chews. “Has this ever happened to you guys?”

Jaemin shakes his head and Donghyuck flicks the paper back towards Mark. “Nope. Maybe it’s a dud.”

“It had a name on it though. How could it be a dud if it had a name on it?”

Donghyuck hikes his shoulders high, shrugging because he definitely doesn’t have an answer, none of them do.

“Maybe another reaper collected it?” Jaemin suggests but Donghyuck shakes his head.

“That’s impossible, nobody can get the same people and they don’t know about the deaths they don’t get the card of.”

“Can someone’s fate change like that?” Mark ponders aloud. “It’s the will of the world to take away when it needs to, but can it also add life when it wants? Can it change its mind?”

The three reapers stare at each other, all stumped. The will of the world was just too much for them to understand, Jaemin didn’t even think the Grim Reaper understood, he just followed orders and kept order.

Jaemin scoops up the last bit of his mango cake. “Do you remember the name that was on it?”

Mark scrunches his nose and furrows his brows when he thinks. “It was just a little boy—his name was—I think it was Park Jisung? I can’t remember now, I was reading over it when it disappeared.”

Jaemin’s teeth clench down on his spoon.

“Well, looks like Park Jisung got to live to see another day. Did anyone want to split another cheesecake with me? Mark? You know you want to.” Donghyuck’s mind is already off to the next thing and Mark whines, because Donghyuck just wants him to pay.

Jaemin slowly pulls the spoon from his mouth and manages to swallow. It goes down rough. He wonders what happens to reapers who save lives instead of taking them. He hopes the punishment isn’t too harsh for an accident, he really had no idea.

He doesn’t regret anything though. He doesn’t know if that’s bad or good. 

He guesses only time will tell.

  
Jaemin finds himself in the mountains again almost a year later.

Time passes differently for reapers. They don’t really notice it going by until they realize the acorn that a squirrel had forgotten where it had buried it has grown into an oak tree.

Yet somehow, there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where Jaemin hasn’t thought about the boy chasing ducks that was supposed to die. He’d wondered if he was still alive, how long his life had been extended, if some reaper had collected his soul already. It makes the time go by agonizingly slow.

Jaemin now has the answer in his hand and his stomach churns while looking at the black ink above the Grim Reaper’s seal.

_Park Jisung. Seven years of age. Murdered._

A horrible fate for one so young and innocent. Jaemin wills himself to hardly blink, afraid he’ll suddenly lose sight of the boy who likes to roam too closely to the forest's edge. He’s at the location early, he hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything else when he’d gotten the card with Jisung’s name on it.

The boy’s grown, it’s the only real indication to Jaemin that any time has passed at all since their first meeting. He’s a little taller and his hair is a little shaggier but the boy’s wonder for the world remains the same. It makes Jaemin smile.

Three minutes.

He’s leaning on a tree in the forest, watching as Jisung ventures closer to the edge of it, seeds in the palm of his hand, begging the squirrel to feed from him. Jaemin shouldn’t feel anything about witnessing a death, he sees it every day, collects their souls and eases their pain and sends them to the After. 

But there’s an unexplainable sadness weighing heavy on his heart as he watches the boy.

Two minutes.

Jisung gets closer, deeper into the forest. Jaemin wants to make his presence known somehow—but he can’t, he can’t interfere, not again—even if the first time was by chance. He makes sure he’s hidden in the trees.

One minute.

A heavy crunch of leaves coming from deeper into the forest rips Jaemin’s attention off of the boy and towards a man stumbling through the forest. He’s babbling incoherently—intoxicated—and in his hand is an already bloodied butcher’s knife.

Jaemin sees the spatters across the man’s shirt, on his face. He’s already killed someone. Jaemin’s heart races—panic, he realizes. He’s panicking. Why? He’s not the one about to get murdered.

Jisung is.

Jaemin steps out from where he’s hiding and runs right in front of the man—a ghost-like tactic that makes people question whether or not they’re hallucinating. It works, and the man screams, turning left and right before bolting back into the forest. It isn’t long before there’s a loud thump and the screaming is cut off suddenly. Jaemin turns away because he shouldn’t be there—this shouldn’t of happened at all.

His eyes land on Jisung, staring at him.

Jaemin tenses, the only thing that moves is his chest rising and falling.

Jisung breaks into a shy smile. “Hi, Nana.”

Jaemin gulps. “Hi, Jisung.”

“Do you like the forest a lot too?”

The reaper shakes his head. “No, I don’t.” The forest is full of things trying to remove something so pure. Why had the world asked for it to do something so horrible?

“Then why are you here again?”

Jaemin takes a deep breath and crumples the white card in his hand without even looking at it. He knows the ink is gone. “I like the mountains.”

“Me too. My Mama says I’m going to grow tall like the mountain one day. Will you visit again even if I’m bigger than the mountain?”

“Of course, I will.” Jaemin’s smile is light, breezy, like the wind. “I’ll visit you every year, on this day, Jisung. Just call for me.”

The reaper is delighted to be remembered.

  
Jaemin always keeps his promises. 

The same day of every year, Jaemin ignores his duty when Jisung calls for him and visits him at the edge of the forest that’s tried to kill him twice already.

Jaemin is doomed—he’s prevented the will of the world twice now already for the same person, but he can’t bring himself to care. Being remembered every time sends a thrill through him, makes him smile for an entire year until he sees the boy again. His fellow reapers had questioned him thoroughly, but Jaemin keeps Jisung a precious secret only for himself.

Year 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. Jaemin watches the boy who chases ducks grow taller, smarter, much more perceptive.

“Why don’t you look different Nana?” Jisung asks one day. They sit by the creek, far enough away for Jaemin not to worry.

“Because I’m the same. I will always be the same.”

“You’re not like me, are you?”

Jaemin shakes his head and Jisung pouts as he thinks about what the reaper has said. It’s a cute habit. Jaemin leans over and pinches his cheek. “Does that bother you?”

Jisung makes a face and pulls away. Jaemin chuckles and Jisung turns thoughtful again. “No, it doesn’t bother me. And I don’t think you’re the same—you’re different from the first time I met you.”

Jaemin stares. “You remember?”

“Of course I do, Nana.”

Jaemin feels Jisung may be right. Maybe he has changed since meeting the boy. If it is true, if he has changed, then it’s all because of Jisung and Jaemin doesn’t really mind that at all.

When they part ways—Jaemin’s already buzzing, excited for next year’s meeting.

Only two months later—he hears his name called. Jaemin shows up at the edge of the forest on the mountains and Jisung jumps, eyes blown wide.

“Whoa, Nana! It worked!”

“Is everything okay?” Jaemin’s heart pounds in his chest because Jisung has never called him outside of their once-a-year meetings before.

Jisung wrings his hands together, looking a bit sheepish. “I just wanted to know if calling your name really worked. I thought maybe you just showed up on the same day.”

Jaemin lifts a brow. He can tell that Jisung isn’t saying everything—he knows the boy well enough now.

Jisung gives in quickly. “My family, we’re moving. We won’t be in the mountains anymore. I wanted to make sure you could still find me.”

Jaemin can feel the world still as he takes it in. He wraps Jisung in his arms and the boy’s head only comes up to his chest. He wonders how tall he’ll grow. “I’ll always find you, as long as you want me to.” _As long as you remember me._

“Why wouldn’t I?”

All is fine and well in Jaemin’s world.

The rest of it isn’t doing so well.

“Freak accidents.” Mark explains over chocolate cake.

“I swear, people are just—bursting into flames at an alarming rate.” Donghyuck agrees.

Jaemin convinces himself he has nothing to do with it.

Reapers get their assignments randomly, at any point of the day, no matter where they are or what they’re doing. The card appears to them and they know they have it.

Jaemin is with Donghyuck when he gets one—feels it in his pocket, heavy like a stone. A stone he’d rather swallow whole than look to see what’s written on it. His gut twists.

Part of him already knows. The other part denies completely.

“What’s the matter?” Donghyuck asks, immediately taking notice of Jaemin’s paleness. “You look like you’re about to be sick.”

Maybe he will be. Jaemin slides his hand into his pocket, hoping that he’d just imagined the card in it.

The rough piece of paper scrapes his thumb when he touches it. A jolt of reality.

“Oh! Did you get a calling card?” Donghyuck is excited because it’s really the only thing reapers have to get excited for. More work.

Except Jaemin. He gets excited for something else now. Someone else.

Someone he has to save.

Jaemin pulls the card out of his pocket and the world goes silent as he zeroes in on the name.

_Park Jisung. Thirteen years of age. Car accident._

“Jaemin, you look like you’re going to cry.”

Jaemin can’t look Donghyuck in the eyes. “I have to go.”

Donghyuck’s reflexes are fast, he snatches the calling card from Jaemin’s hand before he can disappear. “Park Jisung? That’s the boy Mark had who’s name disappeared, isn’t he?” Donghyuck remembers as if it were yesterday, because time is different for reapers.

Jaemin takes the card back. “I have to _go_.”

“He has another half an hour.” Donghyuck is suspicious and Jaemin has to _leave_ because he’s wasting_ time_. “You don’t have to go yet.”

Jaemin’s jaw clenches, unwilling to explain. It’s too much. The boy means too much to him. “I have to go_ now_.”

The other reaper stares at him as Jaemin watches the world pass around him. He can’t bring himself to leave. Maybe he’s always wanted someone to know. Keeping secrets isn’t something reapers do. It’s hard. Nothing happens for them to have any secrets to keep. It’s been slowly eating Jaemin alive.

“You’re going to save him.” Donghyuck whispers. He’s always been perceptive. “You’ve _been_ saving him.”

“The first time was an accident.” Jaemin croaks.

“And the others weren’t.” Donghyuck supplies for him. “Jaemin, what have you _done?_”

Reapers aren’t supposed to have a reason to cry, but heat prickles at Jaemin’s eyes. When he finally spares a glance in Donghyuck’s direction, the reaper doesn’t look at him in disdain, but perhaps it is worse to be looked at in pity.

“You’re going to kill us all. You’re going to destroy the world, for some boy.”

Jaemin swallows his tears and clenches his fists with his sudden realization—the truth that he’s come to terms with. “For him, I’d do anything.” He’s not sure why he’s so drawn to the boy, ever since their first meeting, but he knows this: for as long as Jaemin is Jaemin the reaper and Jisung is Jisung the human—Jaemin will not let Jisung die.

Donghyuck steps back, eyes narrowed. “Go then,” he whispers. “You have to go.”

Jaemin crumples. “Thank you.”

“Don’t.”

It’s easy to find Jisung closer to his time of death—easy to find Jisung when he calls Jaemin’s name in those last moments.

The world shifts when Jisung lives past his dying hour.

  
Jisung grows and calls for Jaemin freely. Sometimes Jaemin comes when Jisung doesn’t call—those are the days he gets the calling cards.

They’re getting more frequent.

Jisung doesn’t know, Jaemin won’t let him. He only knows about the one time—and that’s all Jaemin will let him have. The boy doesn’t need to know what Jaemin is, how gruesome his job is. It’s dark and Jaemin doesn’t want to dim the light is Jisung’s life, which the boy so willingly shares with him.

Jisung is sixteen when he introduces Jaemin to his best friend, a boy named Zhong Chenle. It’s the first time in a long time that Jaemin is reminded that Jisung is different.

“Nana!” Jisung waves at the reaper from when they approach the bench Jaemin is sitting on. Chenle frowns.

“Nana, this is Chenle—Chenle, Nana.” Jisung introduces them, but Chenle is looking through Jaemin, as if he can’t see him.

Oh.

He can’t.

Jaemin forgot Jisung has always seen him—willingly or not.

“Whoa!” Chenle screams when Jaemin appears and it’s Jisung’s turn to frown.

“He was there the whole time—why did you have to scream man?”

“He wasn’t! He appeared out of thin air! Like magic!”

Jaemin’s smile is easy. He likes the Zhong boy.

“My apologies. I forget I don’t appear to humans unless I allow it. It’s nice to meet you, Chenle.”

Chenle turns to Jisung. “Whoa, you weren’t kidding when you said he wasn’t like us—” He looks at Jaemin. “What are you? A wizard? A witch? Do witches wear suits now?”

Jaemin chuckles. “They could. I wouldn’t know, I’m none of those, I’m not magical. I’m simply here to do a job.” He won’t let Jisung know, he can’t scare him like that.

Jisung is still frowning. “I’ve always seen you,” He’s still dwelling on the previous conversation. “Have you ever been invisible to me?”

“No,” Jaemin smiles, though it is somewhat smile. “You’ve always been able to see me.”

Jisung looks thoughtful. Chenle snaps his fingers. “You must be Jisung’s guardian angel then! That has to be it!” Jaemin simply smiles.

He wishes.

“Another one?” Donghyuck asks when Jaemin stops short on the way to their favourite cafe.

Jaemin nods and swallows, pulling the card out of his pocket. It’s another one for Jisung. Jaemin has an hour.

“I wonder why you get all of his cards,” Donghyuck ponders aloud. “It’s convenient for you, so you can save him, but I wonder why it happens.”

Jaemin would be lying if he said he hadn’t wondered the same thing. But the thought of the card going to anyone else and not being able to save Jisung—that wasn’t something he could allow himself to think about.

“Perhaps they’re tied now,” Mark suggests. “Since he keeps saving the boy’s life. Maybe it happened the first time—and now Jisung’s fate is tied directly to Jaemin. The world wants Jaemin to repay his debt, since he’s set it off balance.”

Thinking of Jisung’s life as his debt, as a burden, as fodder for the world to have balance. It angers Jaemin. Jisung’s more than just that, has always been.

He will not let the world take him.

Jisung is eighteen when Jaemin really begins to see what he’s done to the world.

It’s Jisung’s first heartbreak, one that few will ever go through at such a young age.

Jaemin couldn’t stop it, he had no idea, he didn’t get the cards.

The world takes Jisung’s parents away from him.

_The world is cruel_, Jaemin thinks, not for the first time.

Jaemin doesn’t leave his side—even when Jisung stays with Chenle. He remains invisible to the other members of the Zhong household, but he never, ever leaves. Calling cards pile up in his pocket, jobs not done. Jaemin doesn’t care.

Jisung curls up into Jaemin’s arms, despite how much bigger he’s grown, and cries.

The world is so, _so_ cruel. Jaemin is bitter. He spites her.

He is also scared. He will be punished, sooner or later.

For now, Jisung is alive.

_But at what cost?_

Jaemin only leaves Jisung’s side in the aftermath when Mark appears to him and tells him it’s urgent. Jaemin is only okay with leaving because Chenle is there.

“What do you want?” He spits out, much too roughly when he and Mark are alone.

Mark raises his hands in surrender. He means no harm. Jaemin deflates.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I came to warn you. Boss is in town.”

The Grim Reaper. The one in charge of it all, the one who makes sure the will of the world is carried out. The name he goes by is Yuta, though it is rarely spoken aloud by any of the reapers.

Fear brews in the pit of Jaemin’s stomach. “Why?”

“Why do you think?” Mark sighs. “He knows something is going on here. The natural disasters are overwhelming this area, Jaemin. People are dying before they’re supposed to and in mass amounts, of course he’s going to come and see what’s happening.”

Jaemin expected it sooner or later, though he would’ve preferred later or never.

Mark eyes him worriedly. “_Please_, Jaemin.”

Two words that ask Jaemin to do something he cannot. He shakes his head, voice small when he says, “I can’t. I won’t. He deserves a long life.”

“At the expense of how many others? It's our _duty_ to keep the world balanced.”

That makes Jaemin angry. “Fuck the balance,” He seethes. “The world wanted to take a boy’s life at six years old, how is that fair? How is that balance?”

Mark’s eyes glisten, sad. “It is the will of the world.”

“_Fuck_ the will of the world. I have my own.” Jaemin yells and Mark yells back.

“Why is this boy so special to you that you’re so intent on destroying everyone else’s existence?”

In truth, Jaemin doesn’t know. He’s never known, not since the poke at his thigh or when he scooped the boy up in his arms before he could fall into the creek. He’s never needed to know. He just wants to see Jisung alive.

“Thanks for the warning, Mark.” Jaemin turns around. He’s done here. “I’ll heed it cautiously.”

His anger only dissipates when he returns to see Jisung’s peaceful sleeping face once more, unbothered by the world.

Jaemin watches as Jisung continues to run hurdles over his obstacles, watches as he grows a few inches taller, watches him study hard and get into university. He watches him celebrate his twenty first birthday.

Jaemin is proud of the life Jisung has carved out for himself. He takes no credit for it. Jisung’s happiness is all his own—if he decided to cast Jaemin out one day Jaemin would accept it—and that would still not deter him from making sure he stays alive.

But Jisung keeps Jaemin around, at a close proximity and Jaemin is grateful.

“You know,” Jisung starts one day, a little over a week after his birthday. They’re in the kitchen of his apartment and Jaemin’s sat himself atop the counter. Jisung fiddles with an apple in his hand. “You still never told me what you are.”

Jaemin hums. “Nor will I.”

Jisung pouts. “Why not? It’s been years. Is it a big secret? Will you die if you tell me?”

_No_, Jaemin thinks, _but you might_. “Was Chenle’s suggestion of me being your guardian angel not enough?” He jokes.

“A guardian angel would be more secretive about it, wouldn’t he? Helping but without me knowing?" Jisung grumbles. "I’m gonna figure it out.”

“Like how you figured out how to do laundry? How to cook a healthy meal?”

Jisung points a playful finger in Jaemin’s face. “I asked you for your help in confidence! How dare you throw it back in my face like that!”

They laugh until Jisung sighs into a smile, one Jaemin can’t quite decipher. “Thanks for taking care of me, Nana.”

Jaemin smiles back. “Always.”

There’s a cough. “Sorry to interrupt.”

Jaemin’s head shoots up and there is Donghyuck, standing in the middle of Jisung’s apartment, not looking very sorry at all.

“Donghyuck,” Jaemin watches Jisung turn around, eyes wide when he sees the other that is suddenly in his living space. It’s his first time seeing a reaper that isn’t Jaemin, though of course, Jisung doesn’t know that. “What are you doing here?” He says through a false smile. His friends showing up around Jisung has never boded well for him in the last few years.

Donghyuck looks Jisung over in silence before slowly transitioning his gaze to Jaemin. It feels like a millennia before he finally speaks, voice calm and annoyingly calculated. “Boss is summoning you.”

Jaemin’s heart sinks low into his stomach. He takes a deep breath. “Did he say why?”

Donghyuck is slow at responding and it infuriates Jaemin. He’s up to something. His attention turns back to Jisung. “No. Just that it was urgent.”

Jaemin hops off the kitchen counter and puts a hand on Jisung’s shoulder. “I won’t be long.” He’s stayed under the radar for a while now, there isn’t any reason why that can’t continue. He’ll have to put on his best show.

Jaemin approaches Donghyuck. “Are you coming with me?” He doesn’t want him and Jisung alone. It doesn’t settle well with him.

“Nope,” Donghyuck will not tear his gaze away from Jisung’s. He pulls a card from his pocket and waves it around, never breaking eye contact with him. “I’ve got a job to go do.”

Jaemin is still unsettled, but he goes and sees what it is that Yuta wants.

  
Donghyuck doesn’t have any intention in staying, but he takes a moment too long to stare at the human boy—the one Jaemin is intent on destroying the world for. The boy speaks before Donghyuck can leave, calling card still in his hand.

“What is that?” Jisung’s gaze is on the white card. “Are you and Nana the same?”

Interesting. Jaemin hasn’t told him who they are yet. He supposes it won’t be long now, considering what he knows the boss wants him for.

“It’s a calling card.” Donghyuck says. He’s not going to lie, simply answer if Jisung asks the right questions.

“What’s that? Does Nana get it too?” The boy is curious.

“He does. It tells us what our next assignment is.”

Jisung frowns. Donghyuck can see the gears turning in his head.

“Nana hardly ever leaves though. When does he do these assignments?” It’s more of a question to himself but Donghyuck answers anyway.

“He doesn’t. He hasn’t been doing his assignments at all lately.”

“Is that why your boss wants to talk to him? Is he in trouble?”

Genuine concern. It seems the boy is just as attached to Jaemin as the reaper is to him. Interesting.

“Yes,” Donghyuck steps forward. “And no.”

Jisung frowns. “Which question does that answer?”

“Both. Donghyuck smiles, offers the calling card out with two of his fingers. “Do you want to know what this is?”

Jisung puts down the apple on the counter and takes the card. The pads of his fingers brush over the Grim Reaper’s mark before he begins to read the card out loud.

“Zhong Chenle, twenty two years of age—” His eyes widen at the part that follows. Horror paints his face. “What the fuck is this?” He whispers.

“It’s a calling card.” Donghyuck watches the boy’s reaction with interest. “It tells us when someone dies, so we can collect their souls.” He takes a step forward and Jisung drops the card, taking a step back. “Ask me what I am, Park Jisung.”

The boy trembles as his first tear falls. “W-what are you?”

“I am a reaper, Jisung.” He lets it sink in for a moment before continuing. “We keep the balance of the world by sending those that are chosen to die, off to the After.”

It takes him a few moments, but Jisung crumples to the ground and cries. “Nana—Nana—he—_he’s not_—”

“He is.” Donghyuck bends down to pick up the calling card. He still pities his friend, but he won’t let him destroy the world.

“Why are you telling me this?” Jisung sobs. “Why would you tell me you’re going to let my best friend die?”

“You wanted to know, didn’t you?” Donghyuck shrugs. “Besides, you wouldn’t have even met him if you had died when you were supposed to.”

He sees it then, how hard the realization hits the poor boy. He trembles and chokes on his tears, unable to keep himself together. Donghyuck almost feels bad. He crouches down to Jisung’s level.

“Do you want to know what happens when a reaper doesn’t do their job? When the world is set off balance?”

Jisung shakes his head no, but Donghyuck tells him anyway. He holds up the calling card. “Zhong Chenle isn’t supposed to die this early. I’m sure you can think of a few others as well that left you too soon. Do you watch the news? The world is in chaos, Jisung. Earthquakes and tsunamis, tornadoes, hurricanes—all happening where they shouldn't be.”

“Please, stop,” Jisung croaks. “I don’t want to die.”

“Funny that,” Donghyuck smiles, though it is not unkind. “Seeing as you were never supposed to live.”

“Are you going to kill me?”

“No,” The reaper sighs. “That’s the cruel part. You and Jaemin are tied, only he can let you die and send your soul off. He won’t though. He loves you too much. He’s too blind. He plows ahead, heart first into the flames, not thinking of anything or anyone but you.”

And Donghyuck is sad, because he knows Jaemin’s punishment will be severe and torturous, but it would be worse if it had gone on any longer.

Donghyuck puts Chenle’s calling card back on the ground. He knows all he needs to—he doesn’t need it to do his job anymore, he knows where he’s going. He stands up and turns away, ready to leave.

Something stops him.

He turns around one last time to look at the boy crumpled on the floor.

“Do you believe in reincarnation, Jisung?”

The boy doesn’t respond.

“You should.” And Donghyuck is gone.

  
Darkness surrounds the Grim Reaper, envelops the physical shape he takes. Jaemin has seen him smile only once before and still finds humour in the darkest being having one of the brightest smiles he’s ever seen.

The Grim Reaper is not smiling when Jaemin greets him.

“Jaemin,” His tone is grave and Jaemin knows it’s all over. “Jaemin, what have you done?”

He steels himself. He will not be found out so easily.

One look from the Grim Reaper completely undoes his resolve, as if it never existed.

Jaemin falls to his knees. It’s done. Everything is over. “Only what I thought was best. I couldn’t—I couldn’t let him die! He was—”

“I don’t care for your reasons!” Yuta snaps and his being becomes darker. “You are a reaper and your duty—your _only_ duty is to carry out the will of the world and keep her balanced—it doesn’t matter that you don’t like what she’s decided!” The darkness billows around him and Jaemin thinks it might swallow him whole.

Yuta sighs and the darkness calms down. “No matter, what’s done is done and you will be punished.”

Jaemin shakes his head. “I can’t—_I can’t_—”

Yuta continues. “The world has told me of the punishment fitting for your crime. You will take Park Jisung’s life—”

Jaemin begins to cry.

“—and after, you will be sentenced to ten thousand years of isolation. You will continue to send off souls, but they will only be reincarnations of Park Jisung until his last life cycle passes through you. Only then will your crimes be atoned, no sooner and no later, and you will be forced to live in a universe where no iteration of Park Jisung will ever exist again.”

Jaemin hiccups, choking on his tears as he wills himself to stop, staring the Grim Reaper down. “I’m not sorry.”

Yuta sighs. “I know. That’s why the world wants you to suffer, as she did.”

The Grim Reaper lowers himself to one knee and caresses the side of Jaemin’s head, tucking his hair behind his ear. “You have to go now, Jaemin.”

The tears continue, spilling down Jaemin’s cheeks. “I can’t—_I won’t_—”

“You will.” Yuta whispers. Jaemin understands that it is not his choice, it won’t ever be, but the world will make it so.

When Jaemin looks up, he’s back in Jisung’s kitchen. His eyes immediately go to the body crumpled on the ground.

“Jisung!” He screams. No, no, no, no, no, no, _no_—

“Nana—” Jisung sniffs. Relief floods though Jaemin’s body.

“Nana—you have to do it.”

Jaemin’s world stops. “How—how do you know?” He hiccups.

“Donghyuck told me.” Jisung is whispering but it’s loud in Jaemin’s ears, pumps through them like blood. “He’s gone—he went to Chenle.”

Jaemin spots the calling card on the ground and can’t even summon the energy to get angry.

“I’m sorry, Jisung.” Jaemin kneels by him, at a distance. He doesn’t deserve to touch him, to comfort him. He’s been too selfish, has always been too selfish. “I’m sorry.”

Jisung crawls into Jaemin’s lap instead, seeking warmth.

They lie on the kitchen floor until both calm down. Despite the circumstances, Jaemin enjoys the moment.

“I’m sorry,” He repeats, even though he knows it will never be enough.

“Thank you for always taking care of me.” Jisung whispers.

The tears well back up in Jaemin’s eyes. “I don’t deserve that.”

Silence.

“You know, I don’t think this is how it ends, Nana,” Jisung says suddenly, voice strong. He must’ve been thinking about it the entire time between when Donghyuck had left and Jaemin had returned. “I think that one day, I’m gonna meet you in the forest again, by the creek with the ducks, and we’re gonna be happy. That’s how I think this ends.”

Jisung’s eyes are clear, an easy smile on his face while Jaemin weeps—weeps even after Jisung’s dying hour has finally passed and the world is put back into balance.

  
For ten thousand years, Jaemin sits in a tiny room and stares at the door, waiting for the next iteration of Jisung to walk through.

None of them know of him when he has to send them off. They don’t remember his name. 

He soon begins to forget his own.

The world is cruel to Jisung at first. His first iterations are young—much too young and it tears Jaemin apart. He screams and he screams because he will never get to see Park Jisung alive again, he will only see him die cruel deaths until he no longer exists in the universe, when his last life cycle has ended.

But Jaemin only regrets hurting Jisung—he does not regret seeing him smile or letting him grow up to meet Chenle. He hopes they get to meet in every lifetime. He hopes every Jisung is happy, no matter how long or short they live for.

But no matter how many years Jaemin sits there, he always feels the sorrow of losing a loved one, losing the one most important to him. He cannot move on—the world won’t ever let him—forces him to watch Jisung die over and over again.

For ten thousand years, Jaemin wallows in his sorrows, cries because he can’t do anything else.

For ten thousand years, it rains on the mountainside.

Jaemin is tired. The sun doesn’t excite him once he finally sees it, doesn’t feel the warmth of it on his skin, doesn’t feel much of anything.

Jisung no longer exists.

Yuta is the first being he sees and The Grim Reaper greets him with the smallest of smiles. Jaemin can’t reciprocate.

“Your punishment is over.” Yuta says.

Jaemin shakes his head. “My punishment will never end.”

Jisung no longer exists.

A world without Park Jisung.

Jaemin feels empty.

Yuta stares at him, observing. His gaze is soft for a being so feared. “Walk with me,” is all he says before turning away. Jaemin has no choice to follow. He has nowhere else to go.

The world is at peace, Jaemin observes as they travel. He can’t bring himself to feel relieved about it.

Yuta brings him to the forest in the mountains, the one with the creek, and Jaemin almost thinks he’s about to be punished again.

“The world whispered to me a secret the other day,” Yuta starts. He stares at a house at the edge of the forest, being moved into by a young couple who cannot see them. Jaemin doesn’t care to hear this secret, but Yuta continues speaking. “She told me of one last life cycle.”

Jaemin blinks, unphased. He has no idea what Yuta is referring to. “He’s gone through all his life cycles. He doesn’t exist.”

Yuta chuckles—_chuckles_. “That’s why I said it was her secret.” He points to the couple. “They will be his parents.”

Jaemin’s heart beats for what feels like the first time in a long time. “What are you saying?”

Yuta ignores him. “She also told me another secret—that there’s room in the world for one more.”

Jaemin stares at the couple, gaze burning, then at Yuta, who smiles at him. Jaemin is temporarily blinded, confused. He doesn’t understand what the Grim Reaper is telling him.

“She’s granting you another life, Jaemin. It seems the world has taken a pity—or maybe a favouring—to you, the reaper who fell in love.”

“How—” Jaemin doesn’t understand, _he doesn’t understand_. “How is this possible?”

“The world must balance and must punish those who disrupt the balance, but she can also make room for adjustments. She’s not always cruel. It seems that your loyalty to the boy impressed her. Maybe you two were destined from the beginning, I never know what her plans are until she tells me.”

Jaemin falls to his knees on the forest floor. He gets to see Jisung _live_—and live alongside him. Not as a reaper. As an equal. Jaemin had thought his tears were all gone, but they reappear once more as he thanks the world he once cursed.

“I’m going to tell you how it goes, because when you’re reborn you won’t remember, but I think you deserve to hear how she told me it’ll all play out,” Yuta grins and Jaemin finally feels warmth. 

“Park Jisung will meet a boy by the creek named Na Jaemin. They become friends and like to chase ducks together. They will love each other in the purest of ways. When Jisung is twelve—he will move away—leaving Jaemin behind. He meets Zhong Chenle, who will make him happy. He will learn different kinds of love, of heartbreak but nothing will compare to when he turns eighteen and reunites with Na Jaemin at school in the city. His parents are proud of him and they live long lives. This is the best life either Park Jisung and Na Jaemin will ever live, and I will be the one to collect both of their souls at age ninety-two and ninety-four. They pass away in their home on the mountainside by the creek.”

“Thank you,” Jaemin has no other words he can think to say. “Thank you,” he says to the world, to Yuta, to his old friends.

“Have a good life, Jaemin.” Yuta pats him on the back. “You deserve it.”

It’s a hot, humid, rainy day when Na Jaemin ventures into the forest. He’s eight years old. He heads to the creek, his favourite creek, the one with the ducks, and sees a boy crouched by it in a yellow rain jacket and blue rain boots.

Jaemin crouches beside him. He points to one of the ducks in the creek. “That one looks like you.”

The boy looks at him, all pouty lips and chubby cheeks. “Like this?” 

“Yeah,” Jaemin giggles. “Like that.” 

He continues to stare at the boy. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Jisung.” Park Jisung smiles. “What’s yours?”

“Jaemin. But you can call me Nana.”

**Author's Note:**

> in their new life i'd like to think they become romantic heehee
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